Sunday, January 27, 2013

on the fritz

I'm writing this from my couch on the ipad because we played hookie today on account of us not feeling too good. My heart is on the fritz and last night was the worst it's been in years. I called the doctor and left a message for him, not wanting to bother him on a Sunday, and he'll call tomorrow so we can get to the bottom of it. I have a feeling this is just a part of the game, though. Until they find a cure, dealing with symptoms of HCM is as good as it will get. Yay! 
At times like this I find myself having to find creative ways to describe my symptoms to not just Husband, but doctors too. I feel as time goes on and I've become more fluent in the world of tests, doctors appointments, etc the more creative my metaphors and descriptions become. It's probably due to the fact that for years doctors tried to tell me my symptoms were heart burn, the muscles in my chest wall, or something else entirely. Like, that my heart is on the wrong side of my chest entirely. I've literally heard it all. 
See if you say, "my heart hurts," that can mean 100 different things, especially to doctors. It's open to interpretations. But if you say, "it feels like my heart is a nerf ball that's being squeezed to the size of a pea," or "it feels like the top half of my heart is doing the Macarena while the bottom half is doing the 6th grade sway-slow dance." Well, if you say that, they've never heard that before so they have to think twice as hard. Sometimes it's fun to try to confuse them. 
I've wondered what kind of reaction I'd get if I said something like, "it feels like the creepy guy from Indiana Jones and the temple of doom is ripping my heart out and then putting it in a garlic press." Something so completely unrelatable. I'm sure for someone who's heart doesn't have a mind if its own  any metaphor would be confusing. Like explaining to a blind person what purple looks like. Or to a dog why he can't eat chocolate.
 It can be frustrating. But at least I can have some fun with it. 

Ps. I'm watching twilight right now and... is anyone else made extremely uncomfortable by all of Edward and Bella's loud breathing?? Seriously. It's gross. 

1 comment:

  1. I once described the feeling of my heart as trying to pop one of those water balloons in your hand but it just won't pop, instead it squishes out between your fingers and you can see the strain it is undergoing but the rubber simply won't break...totally get what you mean :)