Wednesday, January 16, 2013

seeing the things that matter most

For the last few months I have found myself in a constant debate, with myself.

For some reason I feel like I should be doing more. If I don't have every second of my day planned, I feel worthless. I wake up thinking, "What are you doing with your life!? You should be in school learning and working towards something! Or be doing something with your life! You're wasting it!" {Yeah! Rude right?} And then the other half of me says, "Um, Glenna. Maybe you should look at the calendar and then take a chill pill, because you are in school. It just happens to be Christmas vacation." And then I calm down for 30 seconds until starts all over.

Because of this I'm constantly trying to cram as much into my day as possible. I'll exercise, then eat, then read, then do some crafts, then run some errands, then maybe eat again, work on my church callings, do some laundry and cleaning, some reorganizing, some window shopping, the list is endless. After all of that, I look at the clock, it's only 3:00pm and I've run out of things to do. At which point that part of my brain chimes in again, "Glenna, you lazy bum! Other people have 2 jobs, children, friends and church callings. They're so busy being productive and you don't have anything to do!" And I feel guilty. The truth is, I am very busy and do have a lot on my plate, and as much as my body is screaming for a break, my head is telling me I need to be busier.

It wasn't until the other day I realized what I was doing, and how unhealthy it was.
If I'm honest with myself, this constant need to be busy and doing something is a way for me to escape. The busier I am, the more distracted I am. I'm not left alone with my thoughts and I don't have to deal with some hard things that are going on in my life.

I remembered a quote by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, the 2nd Counselor in the presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He said, "My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, life up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter the most." {You can find the rest of his talk here. I highly recommend reading it!}

I don't want to be so busy that I can't lift my eyes and appreciate all the good things that are going on. The things that matter most. I want to be able to enjoy the simple and slow times and not feel the need to fill my day up with things that really aren't that important. I want to be able to feel peace with myself again. 

And that's what I'll be working on filling my day up with from now on.

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