wow, just wow

Can we all please take a second to appreciate the all around amazingness of this picture?

We just got back from my parents for Christmas and on our last night my Mom handed me a CD of all my senior portrait pictures. Oh joy! I honestly, barely remember this day. I couldn't remember the clothes I wore, the way I did my hair or make up...so I was pretty excited to pop it into my computer and take a little walk down memory lane.

Haha! I for real laughed out loud. And then quickly covered my mouth with my hand as to not wake Husband, who would surely wonder what was so hysterical, and inevitably end up seeing these incriminating photos. 

I wasn't sure I wanted to share the year because then I might be able to get away with saying it was a REALLY REALLY long time ago, but the truth is, it wasn't that long ago. Like, only 6 1/2 years ago.  If only I could interview myself on this day. Find out exactly what in the world was going through my head...but mostly do some pleading. 

Please past Glenna, PLEASE, rethink the ugly gollumn strands you curled on the top of your head? 

I am begging you!!!

December in a nutshell

These are just a few pictures to represent the Holiday season as it happens in the B home.
I'm not going to lie, it's been an emotional month. There's a lot on Husband and I's plate right now and sometimes the stress and hurt and noise of it all makes it hard to enjoy all the wonderful that life is offering us as well.
Focusing on all the blessings and tender mercies in my life.

And because this may be the last post I do before Tuesday, Merry Christmas!

december

Well, my little brother left on his mission this last Wednesday. {I miss him} My sister started her 2nd round of chemo the day before Thanksgiving. We decided we're going to move. Wait for it, we don't know where to yet. I've registered for classes next semester. Your guess is as good as mine whether I'll survive with my sanity, but let's try to stay optimistic. I just celebrated my 25th birthday. Most days I feel much older than that, and not always in a good way.

And guess what? Tomorrow is December 1st. 

Merry Christmas, everyone. 

Election day

Today was election day. And for the first time I'm disappointed in myself for not voting. I don't have a legitimate reason. It was simply because I didn't get my act together soon enough and change my information from Utah to California so I couldn't register to vote here.
I've always felt a big responsibility to vote. I've always believed that our freedom and right to vote is what thousands of Americans have suffered and given their lives for. But tonight I find myself doubting.
I can't help but feel how divided this country has become. And I've been thinking of what the majority of the people's vote really means. Is it enough to give the majority of the people what they want? As far as I can tell, the majority have never had a problem with getting what they want. It's the little guy, the minority that gets neglected and forgotten. The minority of the people that aren't heard.
I live in a state with 55 democratic electoral votes. 55! And I'm suppose to believe that my 1 vote is going to make a difference? No. Let's call it what it really is. 1 vote doesn't make a difference, only the majority can make a difference in this country.
By thinking this, some might say I'm not patriotic. I don't feel I'm unpatriotic. If anything, the fact I'm thinking about the election, making an unbiased and objective opinion on my own, helps me care more about this country. It makes me genuinely sad to see something I believed in, something I hoped for, not come to pass. And that's normal. It's normal to feel disappointed. And that's all.
It's not going to be the end of the world. The economy may fail. The middle class may become extinct. Good doctors and health providers may disappear. But tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 7AM, go running, then go to class like always, and continue on with my life. Living the best I can. Striving to achieve the best I can. And preparing the best life that I can for the family I'll have. And for now, that's enough.

cancer

I haven't shared this before. Mostly because I felt it wasn't mine to share. But tonight I find myself overwhelmed, crying all kinds of nastiness and needing a place to put my thoughts.

In July my eldest sister was diagnosed with stage 3, level 3, colon cancer. 

 It was a surprise and shock to everyone. She's a young 32 years old, had just finished her first year back at school, she's a wife and step-mother and looked forward to having babies of her own. She's someone I look up to in so many ways and love as deeply as you could only love a sister. 

For as long as I can remember she's always been there for me. Growing up I had my fair share of health problems. I was either breaking bones or in the emergency room to get my appendix out or something or other. Her and her roommate would visit me and make me posters and get well cards. As I grew up and she continued to be there through other challenges other than health. She'd listen to me talk about boys and plan fun girl days. 

It wasn't until all this happened that I realized how she's always been there for me but I've never had the opportunity to be there for her. She just always seemed happy and living life exactly how she planned and wanted. And now I can't help but think how badly I want to be there and support her in her time of need. 

I know it will be okay. She will be okay. I will be okay. And my family will be okay. That doesn't mean that I don't have the darkest, scariest fear whispering in my mind and heart every day, but it means that I have faith and hope. I've felt first hand how real the Savior is and how healing his love can be. I know that he gives us experiences we need to shape and shift us into the people he needs us to be. And for that I will try to be grateful for this experience too. 

Plus, us Allen's, we're strong, stubborn fighters. {Ask our husbands.} And I know my sister is not going to take this lying down. 

"vd?" "no tvd. gosh, it's not that confusing."

I have a confession... this song is from The Vampire Diaries soundtrack. 

You'd think that would embarrass me. Ooooh-ho-ho-ho...oh if only. Alas, the Delana and Stelena drama keeps me coming back for more. So there you have it. Imagine some teen bopper drama going on and it will just swirl you away.

seriously

Hair.

Lately, I find myself surrounded by women that feel the need to comment on my hair and my styling choices. Back in June I decided to go with the hombre/melt trend and I have absolutely been loving it! But since, women in my ward feel it necessary to make rude and mean comments. {I'll try to keep it nice.} At first it made me insecure about my hair. I'd always gotten a lot of compliments on my "long thick dark hair" and suddenly they stopped. And even though I loved how it looked, I started to regret my decision. Up until about 2 months ago.

I looked around and realized there are so many beautiful people out there with much crazier hair than me {I?...me? Whatever.} I thought about people in my life that I respect that are always changing their hair and trying new things. I feel I'm pretty conservative when it comes to my style but I always loved that others could go from long hair to a short pixie cut, or whatever. I never thought less of these people if they styled their hair a way I'd never feel comfortable with. If anything it contributed to what made them them! And the fact that they felt comfortable and confident enough to have fun and play with their hair really made me respect them more. Just like I can respect someone who decides to never dye or cut their hair. Some people have the exact same hair style their entire life! And you know what, that's okay too. So my question is, why do people feel the need to constantly hate on others? Whether it's their hair, their clothes, what they choose to do with their free time?

I know this... I will encourage my children to be themselves. I'll encourage creativity in forms of healthy expression. I will love them unconditionally of whether they dye their hair, they wear baggy clothes or jeans that are covered in rhine stones, whether they're chubby or skinny, a cheerleader or the chess club president. I will love them and support them and hopefully teach them to do the same. Because this world already has too much hate.

gods living creatures... Ants excluded

I found this little guy on his back while coming home from my walk with Sawyer. I scooped him up and literally almost broke into tears when I realized he couldn't fly. I ran inside and started researching butterflies and how to save them.
I learned this is a male Monarch Butterfly and a very beautiful one at that. I also learned that, to my dismay, there isn't much you can do for hurt butterflies. So I sat there holding my pet butterfly, crying, and thinking how cruel the world was that something so beautiful had to die this way.
Husband is always patient and sweet when I get emotional about Gods living creatures. He hugs me and wipes my tears and tells me it will be okay. That he probably lived a full life. That we'll put him somewhere beautiful outside so he can die happy.
I finally felt better after I said a prayer for the little guy, okay enough to leave him to go to Trader Joes with Matt. Plus I thought it might be a good distraction, so we headed out to the car.
Matt had had a headache all day so I decided to drive. So I pulled out of the garage, then drove back in, and then pulled out and in again. Matt looked at me so confused and asked, "What...what are you doing??" I looked at him as if it were obvious and kind of laughing at myself said, "Killing ants!" Because hello! There was a huge trail of ants going through our garage. And if there is anything I despise in the world it's cruelty to animals and ANTS. I seriously hate them.
Matt bust up laughing. Apparently my drastic change of concern for Gods living creatures was amusing to him. Oops :)

i'm glenna and i like to party

So I suppose I should catch my blog up with what's been going down. I feel like this year has been the year of, let-me-catch-you-up's but there you have it.

I'm proud to say that I'm still registered in school, which believe it or not, is a huge success for me! Not because I'm one to start something and bail when it gets tough, but because I absolutely hate wasting my time on meaningless garbage. CC (City College) would be that meaningless garbage in this instance. Granted, I may be a tad older than the average student, I find myself being talked down to constantly, ideas and opinions being shoved down my throat by a good intending but not so philosophical professor, and the assumption that I am nothing but a raging sex fein with a double dose of girls gone wild alcoholic. I mean, who could blame her, I am pretty wild looking what with my skinny jeans and button up flannels...that was sarcasms incase you couldn't smell it. Me and my friend Noor are the only 2 humans in that class that cover more than they show. Yup, the muslim and the mormon, like 2 peas in a pod. 

story time: One day my professor presented the class with a scenario. In which case Girl A and Girl B are my roommates and we're headed to this huge party. Well, apparently I had a really bad week because my boyfriend broke up with me, and on top of that I was failing a class. So obviously, I was going to get wasted at this party and had 3 drinks right off the bat. Girl A and Girl B were mingling and didn't notice at first when I started dirty dancing (I'm using a nicer word that she did) with so-and-so's boyfriend. But luckily they noticed when I disappeared and came to my rescue when they discovered me with him off in one of the bedrooms (she went into detail but, I'll leave it at that) and took me home.

She ended the scenario there, adding that so-and-so's girlfriend found out and was pissed at me, and with the most intense and almost accusing look asked me, "Now what do you do, Glenna?" 

?...............uh............?.........???????..........?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

I have absolutely NO idea what I would do because I can't even begin to imagine or understand or even begin to pretend to imagine or understand that situation. So after the longest pause ever I said, "I...don't know." Because I honestly didn't know!! I can't relate to that situation. I've never experienced anything like that, nor will I ever.

She looked more than annoyed and said, "Sure you do! You'd make up excuses and apologize and then go right back to doing it again and again."

Oh right. You'r totally right. Sorry. Duh! That's exactly what I would do. Sorry, I forgot. Silly me.

Am I taking this too far?

 My point is this, this is a Women's Health class that is teaching me that women can't handle their emotions, that we act before thinking and are basically just a bunch of air headed bimpbo's. And that is why I'm so impressed with myself for still being in school.

The end.

twitterpated

"Sometimes I see you do something, or you say something, and I think: 'Man, I gotta get this girl.' and then I realize I already have. And I still can't believe it. You're perfect."

I just never wanted to forget what Matt said to me today.

a battle

Have you ever had someone assume something about you and then treat you accordingly, even if it's wrong? For example, you walk into a store and notice the manager eyeing you suspiciously like you're a skeevy little thief about to steal something. And you immediately feel uncomfortable and don't know how to act. Because suddenly, every move you make is a cover up for something mischievous. (Or that's how the managers glare's make you feel, anyway.)

I HATE THAT!!! Almost more than anything, I hate that. 

Matt and I had an experience like that recently. Not where a shop owner thought we were going to steal from them. But where someone said something to us that really stopped us in our tracks. By the end of the conversation it was clear exactly how poorly this person really knew and understood us. I would have been offended by the things said except for the fact that, well, none of them were true. This person is someone who was close to us, we loved and we had respected very much. So instead of taking offense I was saddened. We didn't even know how to respond. I just felt uncomfortable, suddenly unaware of how to act. Reading into every move I made and word I said, over analyzing everything as to not reinforce the allegations this person made about Matt and I. It was awful...

It wasn't until the morning after that I was thinking and praying about the situation that I realized what felt so wrong. One of the most common causes of contention is due to misunderstandings. I realized the critiques this person made about my husbands behavior were the very things I LOVED about him. They were some of the very reasons I married him and look up to him, not only as a man and my husband, but as a righteous member and priesthood holder. And if they twist our words and actions, misunderstanding us, than that's their choice. And to try and correct them would only make them more persistent and angry.

So we said nothing. Only a simple prayer. And guess what? We felt way better.

This life is a constant battle. Every day is a new fight and every day new and different limits are reached. Some might seem smaller than others but none unimportant. Matt and I live our lives so that we're constantly learning and growing. Educating our minds and spirits with "food" that is good and uplifting. Because of this, I see very clearly that we're not perfect. We have a long ways to go, I know. But we are on our way. Taking new steps every day to one day reach our final goal.

So it doesn't matter if one person disagrees. They're not the first, and they won't be the last. Matthew and I are accountable for our own lives. So we'll live the way we believe, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. At the end of the day, the only approval that matters to us, is our Father in Heaven's.

let me fill you in

So the summer is coming to an end. 

School has started. The days are getting shorter, the nights cooler (but still not cool enough.) And I have yet again, neglected my blog. This summer has been such a fun one!

- We went to Waikiki, Hawaii and I fell in love! We swam with the dolphins, we went to the polynesian cultural center, we swam in the ocean every day, we ate puka dogs almost every day...it ended too soon. I'd only been to Kauai before so it was a completely different experience to go to a more touristy spot like Waikiki. It was one of the most amazing and perfect vacations ever.

- After doing a lot of hiking in Hawaii we were determined to continue hiking in Santa Barbara. So we formed a sort of hiking gang, if you will. Really it's just Husband and I with his brother and wife. But if I may brag for a second, some of the funnest times exploring Santa Barbara's mountains with those 2.

- There was the 4th of July. We had a BBQ at the in laws which is always a good time and then we headed out to Goleta's small town firework show.

-My family came out to visit! We all went to Solvang and some of them even had appointments at Stanford. It's always so much fun having a full house with the Allen's.

- We celebrated Fiesta Days! I absolutely love Fiesta Days. There are carnivals and parades, fun music and food! Lots and lots of delicious food. Guess what else? They hollow out eggs, paint them and stuff them with confetti so that you can go around throwing them at people and it's totally legal. Or you can do what Husband did...and just slam that little sucker right on top of my head.

- After that Jessica came out to visit again. We showed her more of SB and I admit, it made me love this city a little bit more. I never thought I'd want to live here long term but the longer we're here the more I can see us staying here, raising a family here. I don't know, the possibility becomes more and more appealing.

- A couple days after she left we headed to Utah and Wyoming for Fort Bridger. It was so good to see family and meet my new little niece Moriah (who is almost a year old!!) and reunite with my favoritest little Lili bug!

remember that one time we went to hawaii (part 1)

Since we got back from Hawaii I've been trying to put together a post but always end up getting distracted looking through our pictures. They're not extra amazing or beautiful. They don't look like they belong on a postcard (although, all of Hawaii belongs on a postcard.) But they sure help bring me back to what was the most amazingly fun and incredible week.

happy 2 year anniversary to us

When Matt and I were approaching our 1 year mark, (our 1 year anniversary!!) I kind of freaked out. Matthew had no idea, but inside I was dreading it. I guess I had this silly notion that after the 1 year mark, the lovey-doveyness would fade away and things would "settle down" and we'd suddenly become a boring married couple. I kept hearing peoples voices in my head, "Oh! The first year is the best!" 

And I totally believed them.
Which means, I also believed no year after would measure up to that first one.

I also totally forgot the other half of that statement, which is, "The first year is the hardest." And more importantly, that Matt and I are individuals and are completely capable of creating the life we want to have. (Ahem. Glenna! If you don't want to be a boring couple you don't have to be!) Anyway, our first year came and went and we celebrated, but I was a little sad inside. 

If you haven't caught on by reading my blog yet, I'm kind of a weirdo for reasons like this. And, let's be honest, lots of other reasons too.

It wasn't until our 2nd year anniversary was coming up that I realized how freakingly more awesome our 2nd year was than our first!! Which, sadly, I thought was impossible. We had so many good and happy memories, memories that I still cherish and play over and over in my head to this day, during that first year! And yet, this last year was even better? Well, you can only imagine the kind of water works that realization brought on. 

I'm glad to say I no longer fear becoming a "boring married couple." Matthew and I love and married each other because we want the same life. Because we have the same goals. And because we bring something out of each other that no one else ever has. I'm glad to say that I know year number 3 is going to better than year 1 and 2. That the 4th will be better than the 3rd. It's only going to continue to get better and better until Matthew and I have been married for so long that we stop counting. And we'll be senile and forget how old we are, and what day it is. And everyone will know us as that really old, wrinkly, crazy couple that rides their cruiser bikes all over town going on adventures.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

The end.

On June 19th, our anniversary, Matt took me swimming with the dolphins.

waterproof film camera

You know when you get ready for the day and you feel totally good. Your outfit. Your hair. You know you're lookin' hott and maybe deserve a little smack on the booty from Husband. Well, the day this was taken was totally not one of those days. But it's still one of my absolute favorites! 

Don't you just love when that happens?

p.s. 

I miss the days of film cameras. Digital, even with it's fancy photoshop tricks, just doesn't have the same feel. I think I'm going to start using a lot more film.