Unworthy

I'm baaaack! And here to report on how the new year is going. I honestly can't say it's going amazingly well because its currently 12:53AM and I'm wide awake surrounded by a soundly snoozing Husband and puppy. At least they're well :)
Maybe I'm a creeper but there is something charming about laying next to your spouse when they're sleeping. I find myself looking at Matt like it's the first time I've ever seen him. I get to really notice all those small things that really took my breath away the first night I met him.
It's crazy but I remember having a sleepover with my girlfriend, I'd only known Matt for almost 2 weeks, and I said to her, "What if I marry, Matt?!" It was almost like I was asking what would happen. Like I knew then I was going to marry him, I just didn't know I knew, or what life would entail.
And if you think I'm one of those girls that thought that about every guy she dated, think again! I was always skeptical going into a relationship. Always thinking, "I wonder how we'll break up." ...Haha :) That makes me sound just wonderful doesn't it? Oh well. All my exes were troopers for putting up with me, but none compared to Matt.
In the past I always admired guys that let me walk away. I thought they were strong. They handled rejection well and it eliminated any drama that breaking up with them may have caused. But not Matt. He was stubborn and he did not let his pride get in the way. Haha. I tried breaking up with him a few times but he never let me go. And not in a weird or bad kind of way. But the kind of way that let me know he really loved me, he would fight for me, and do whatever it took to prove he was worthy of me. I thought I knew what love was until I met Matt. He pushed me and I pushed him back. But that's what I needed. Someone that wouldn't let me walk all over them. Someone that loved me enough to not let me walk away. Someone that showed me how wonderful and deep a relationship can be if you don't run at any sign of hardship. Someone that a few bad days were worth all the good. Because how sad would it be, to be with someone who didn't fight for you during the bad times? During the hard and ugly times? Who just throws their hands in the air and says they're tired?
Matt has taught me so much! And even during those times when I'm so frustrated I could pinch him (and I have pinched him, we've had full on pinching wars! Haha) he says something that makes me realize he's still teaching me. Even when I'm sassy and a punk, he's teaching me how to be a better person. And it's so ironic because all that time, he'd been trying to prove himself to me, prove that he was worthy of me, and here I am... completely unworthy of him.