shopping can teach you things

Husband and I like to shop. And truth be told, he's the best shopping partner in the world. I'm so serious right now! I use to hate shopping until he came into my life. Now it's one of our favorite ways to kill time. He is right by my side helping me pick cute-things that make a girls mouth drop because how could a man know?! Usually Matt and I's taste are aligned. What he picks out for me, I swoon, and what I pick out for him, gets him to venture into new trends and he ends up discovering something new he loves.
Occasionally though I find something he doesn't quite get. He kinda looks at it a bit longer than usual and then says, "Yeah...(then pointing at something else continues) Oh, look at this!" A sweet but obvious, "I don't like it." On occasions such as this I have to consider 2 things.

1. I like this but husband doesn't
and 2. His opinion is important to me, but so is mine.

So sometimes I'll put the item down, look around, then come back for a second look-see. Other times, I know right away. I know this item was meant for me and I ignore any hesitant glances from husband and head straight to the check out line. I think he likes this about me but I haven't asked to confirm (I'm okay just believing he is) because 99% of the time he ends up falling in love with said item more than me!

For example: heart sunglasses.

Husband wasn't too thrilled about these sunglasses at first. 

But now he's o b s e s s e d. Like has that picture as his phones wallpaper and keeps pulling it out to look at it obsessed. It's kinda cute :) and makes me smile and flutter inside. But it taught me something.

I realized this isn't only true for our shopping trips but it's true for life, for our life together as Husband and Wife. It happened when I dyed my hair blonde the first time and when I melted it. It's true for when we moved from Utah to California. Which was a really big, scary change and at first Matt got that hesitant look in his eye that said, "this might be the biggest mistake..." but he trusts me, and I trust him. We support each other in any and all plunges we take. 

And well, that's just great now isn't it? :)

sorry im not sorry

Story of my life right now.

This may be my survival mode talking, but I've kind of given up caring. Not in the sense that I don't care about anything. I still very much care, just about certain things. I care about my husband, his happiness, his well being. I care about our relationship with each other and the Lord. I care about my little soybean. I care about the world. In a sense that I want to do my part to make it better. Not so much when it comes to other people. Because I can't control anyone but myself. But I care about keeping the world beautiful. I care about the animals on the Earth. I want to protect and take care of them. I care about my loved ones and their happiness and well being.

What I don't care about is what others think. I don't care about whether people consider me lost. I don't care if others consider me weird, or crazy. I don't care whether they talk about me behind my back. I don't even care if people like me anymore. I don't care about censoring what I say. I don't care about others opinions when it comes to my style or fashion. Call me a hussy if I wear a tank top when I work out. Okay, cool!

I've been learning what it means to be comfortable in my own skin. I've been relearning who I am. I feel I'm constantly finding out new things about myself. I'm always relearning who I am. And can I be real with you? I'm loving it. I'm really liking who I am. I like what matters to me. I like the vision I have for my life, and the direction I'm headed. And I'm sorry that I'm not sorry if someone is offended by that. 

take my heart

I am still that little girl.

I remember being small and getting in a fight with my friends, or just being angry at the world for whatever reason and telling myself, "One day, you'll be rescued, you don't belong here." I was that little girl. Always waiting for her Dad to come and steal her away. From whatever was hurting me or making me sad. Even though no one told me I was a princess, I wanted it, so I believed it. I believed some where in the world I was someones princess.

Now that I'm older I reflect back and can't help but feel the Dad I was waiting for to come steal me away is my Heavenly Father. I was his princess. And sometimes I have to do things I don't want to, and experience things that are hard, but I know it's all temporary. I know my Dad is doing everything he can to reunite us, so why wouldn't I do the same? I know that He knows me. I know that he is aware of me and my needs. He sees who I am and is always rooting for me. He defends me and loves me. To him, I'm worth everything, and he'll never let me down. He'll be there for me always. I know that, more than I know anything else in this world.

I am still that little girl. I'm still waiting for my Dad to come rescue and steal me away. And I will wash his feet with my tears when we're finally reunited.
 
p.s. It may be cheesy. But it's perfect.

falling slowly

"We've still got time, raise your hopeful voice

You had the choice, you've made it now"

Over thinking and trying not to let it get the better of me. Lately I've been thinking about forgiving and forgetting. About the atonement healing all wounds. But I can't help but think maybe some wounds can never be healed. Or maybe it's that the scar is just as painful as the initial wound. A constant reminder. One day I'll be grateful for my scars. But for now, I look forward to the day they're a faded memory.

pictures i dont put on instagram but are equally awesome

"I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet."

- Charlotte (Lost in Translation)

I'm not a photography snob. I think all photographs are beautiful. Because they each represent a piece of the person behind the camera. They're so personal. They show what you love. What you consider beautiful, 

unique, 

interesting,

inspiring,

creative,

funny,

etc.

How could something so personal be anything but beautiful?

i get laughed at a lot

My entire life I've never been good with my words. My thoughts get jumbled and I can never find the right way to say things. Even when I know exactly what I want to say, the second I open my mouth... it's like I have dyslexia of the words.

Me: On one condigency.
Matt: Do you mean, "On one condition?"
Me: ....Yes.
Matt: *Laughing*

Matt: *Places big plate of bacon on my lap*
Me: *Takes a bite then moans* Oh Grandpa!
Matt: *Confused*
Me: *Confused* Did I just say, "Oh Grandpa??"
Matt: *Laughing* Yes!

-While watching Vegas Vacation-
Me: Who is that?
Matt: It's...oh, what's his name...it's...
Me: ...Twayne Newton!!!
Matt: *Laughing*
Me: What? It's him! Right?
Matt: Twayne Newton??? *Laughing* His name is Wayne Newton.

-Sitting at the dinner table with my family-
Me: Don't eat with your shoulders on the table.
My family: *Laughing*
Me: *Confused* What? Don't laugh at me!
My brother: Don't eat with your elbows on the table.
Me: ....Oooooh.

-Eating dinner with my family-
Me: Don't chew with your mouth full.
My Family: *Confused*
My brother: Are we suppose to chew with it empty?
Family: *Laughing*
Me: ....
Brother: Do you mean, "Don't chew with your mouth open?"
Me: ...Yes.

Me: He's the head poncho!
Matt: *Laughing* Head PONCHO?!
Me: Yeah...the head poncho.
Matt: *laughing harder* It's head honcho.

Me: I use to love Caprasun.
Matt: It's CapRIsun.
Me: Noo. That sounds weird.
Matt: *Laughing* It's CapriSun. Like Capri pants.
Me: No, it's not. It's Caprasun.
My brother: *Laughing* Glenna it's CapriSun.
Me: ....You're trying to trick me.
Matt & my brother: *Laughing*

not so perfect

Devastation. Despair. Hopelessness. 

All of these words terrify me. They mean a lack of faith. They mean failure. They mean my attitude is wrong. They mean I'm weak. I hate to admit when I'm struggling. I'm embarrassed to admit when things are hard, not so perfect, and I'm falling short. Why is that? Why is it embarrassing to be real? To accept that I'm human? I decided I don't want to be. I want to embrace those 3 words and really get to know them. I'm sure they have a lot to teach me and maybe pretending them away only makes it worse.

In doing so, I've learned something about myself. I'm a fighter. I can feel the most absolutely low I've ever felt in my life and still fight. I don't give up. Even if I'm fighting my own thoughts and emotions. I've learned that even when I'm feeling hopeless, theres still hope. There's still faith that things will work out. Even when I want to just give up because that seems easier than fighting, I can't, and I wont. 

And now that I've admitted I'm human, let me admit I am loved by the most patient, understanding and loving man. When I'm ashamed of myself for spacing an essay that was due and taking an F, or forgetting an exam and bombing it, for missing things that I would never ever miss before, he holds me and tells me I'm his Queen. He gives me blessings whenever I need them. He listens to what I have to say without judgment, and tells me what I need to hear. He gets me out of the house when it feels like the biggest chore and lets me veg and eat ice cream when I need that. Always seeming to know a healthy and good balance of each. 

I am learning a lot about myself right now. And accepting that feels liberating. My life isn't perfect, I'm not perfect, but I don't want to be. Perfection is boring. 

some of my favorite things

a.) My loves.
b.) SB thinking it's spring. I think this time of year is my favorite here.
c.) For no reason flowers from Husband.
d.) Funny pictures that are too true and make me laugh.
e.) Shopping and finding little gems
f.) Surprise picnics at the beach after a stressful day at school. Husband always knows the right antidote.
g.) My sister making the best of a bad situation. I whine and moan and there she is with stage 3 cancer, doing intense chemo therapy for 3 days, every other week, and still manages to keep a positive attitude.
h.) Playing with Sawyer.
i.) Out of town trips.
j.) New lipstick. (And Sawyer's cute faces)
k.) Going to the beach, jamming out to oldies, dancing, and playing in the ocean.
l.) Husband cooking late night Bacon snacks. This happens more nights than it doesn't.
m.) Living across from the beach and having cute things to look at all the time.

jaymay

This song takes me away. To a place only I've been. A place that no one knows about and I'm left alone, with not even my own thoughts to bother me. It's quiet. It's peaceful. And it's me.

question of the year

So remember how I said we were moving but didn't know where to? The question we've been asking ourselves for the last 2 years. The question that's brought stress, tears, break downs. The one question that was suppose to mean freedom and adventure was the one question completely terrifying us and holding us back. Where do we go? Where will we be happiest? Where are we needed? Where is our future? What do we want? Where do we live?? That question, finally has an answer.

We finally have a name for that nameless goal we've had for so long. I can't even stop smiling that's how good it feels. This weekend Husband and I are going to take a little trip and look at neighborhoods and check the area out. But good things are in the works.

Please cross your fingers and maybe say a prayer or two for us? That things can fall into place.
Thanks :)