Dear Jesse...

I say all the time I miss you. But it doesn't even express how much I REALLY miss and ache to have you back. You think you love your family, you think you love all these people but you don't really KNOW how much...until it's too late. I think of all the times I hugged you. All the times I played with your hair or even looked at your huge man hands. Haha. If I knew then what I know now, I would have never left your side and everyone would have thought I was a freak. Haha. It's wrong because as your older sister it feels like one of few instincts I have is to protect those I love. My family. My siblings...ESPECIALLY my younger ones. It's wrong because I couldn't have done anything. I was too late. We all were. So even though you can't log in and read this...even though you can't respond. Please know how much I love you. How much I miss you. And that I will always be here.