the first year of eternity

Wow. I have not posted for such a long time! And there are so many wonderful reasons...today I am not going to be talking about them =)

Today I get to talk about how 12 months ago (on the 19th), my best friend and I held hands and made a covenant to love, support, cherish, and take care of each other for not just the rest of our lives but the eternities that follow! We've officially been married for 1 year and my heart sings with joy! I can't even begin to put into words how happy I feel, especially when looking back at all that we've experienced since that exciting day.

This time of year holds so much depth for so many reasons. And while remembering every detail about this week last year and preparing to be married and start a new life...I can't help but remember all the events that have happened since. I can't help but look back and reflect on how much I've grown and learned.

9 days after our honeymoon my youngest brother passed away shattering our bubble...and our world for a while. After that I struggled with grieving and being a new wife, wanting to spoil and pamper my new husband, only to have him spoil and pamper me, taking care of me completely. I learned to rely on him in ways I had never relied on anyone in this world. And although I would give anything to have Jesse back, I understand what a wonderful gift Heavenly Father gave me by letting Matt be there for me in a way only a spouse can be.

I found a quote by President Gordan B. Hinckley:

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion."

And I can't help but feel and know Matt truly loves me. We were just newly weds, everything was suppose to be exciting and perfect and new...but for us, our newly wed days were spent mourning. There were days (most days) I was a mess in every way imaginable. He saw and knew me at my most vulnerable times and instead of being scared or doubtful, he pulled me in closer. Loving me deeper than I've ever felt.

But life kept going and now here we are =)

I was so terrified to celebrate our 1 year anniversary because I thought, how can I celebrate during a time I know was one of the last with my little brother? How can I celebrate knowing in 2 weeks, Jesse will have died a year ago?

I celebrate because I know God lives. I celebrate because I know he sent his son, Jesus Christ, to this Earth to be crucified for us all. So that one day when we return, as Jesse has, we can return to live with him. I celebrate because I know families are forever. Because Matt and I have started our own family, and although it's small now, it will grow. And some day we'll have sons and daughter that we'll love and cherish. I celebrate because in Matt I see my other half, my future, my truth. I see a man that loves God. I celebrate because in this last year I have experienced more sorrow and with it more joy than I ever have in my life.

I was talking to this woman at a ward activity and it came up that Matt and I would be going out of town to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. She smiled at me and said, "Awe! You can start giving advice now!" I had never heard that before and asked her why?! She explained after a year your deemed qualified. And that made me stop and think.

I'd heard people say the first year of marriage was always the hardest, maybe that's why after 12 months you can give advice? I don't know...I do know I feel completely unqualified to be giving any kind of advice. Because although we may have had some hard trials the first year, we have been so blessed and uplifted through it all.