mama to the rescue

For the last month I've been having a really hard time. When people ask why, I'm not sure what to tell them. The truth is, everything is hard. I've basically boiled it down to living in SB. 

Not that there is anything wrong with this town. But there is something wrong with finding people that have the same values and beliefs as you in this town. There's something wrong with taking classes in a place that teach material that I disagree with on almost every level. There is something wrong with finding friends. Friends I connect with. Friends that are good friends. That call. That put an effort into the relationship too.

Something is wrong with finding a good support system in this town. Matthew has played the part of so many more roles than just a Husband in the last 2 years. It's a good thing for me that he's such an amazing man because otherwise I think I would have ended up in the loony bin a long time ago.

Anyway, it wasn't until last week I broke down and told Matt I needed my Mom, and guess what? That night we called and booked a ticket for her to come out. She's been here since Sunday and I already feel like a million pounds has been lifted off my shoulders.
 
Sometimes you just need your Mom. Sometimes no one can fill that spot in your heart that has the word Mom written on it. When I was little, and okay...even when I was not so little (in high school,) whenever I was sick I'd crawl into my parents bed and my Mom would make it better.

Just being around her assures me that I'm special. That I'm loved. That I matter. And that I am me. I'm not this person that so many people treat me like I am. I'm not a disappointment or a failure. I'm my Mama's daughter and in this case, that's so much better than meeting anybody else's expectations.

She doesn't drown me with gifts.

She doesn't always say the perfect thing.

She can even make me so frustrated sometimes.

But she loves me more than anything in the whole wide world. And she does that perfectly 100% of the time. She's not perfect, but she loves me perfectly. And just being around her, I can feel that. I can feel her desire to do all the things she doesn't. And to me, that's even more meaningful.

It's so fun having her here and even though I have an exam tomorrow that I should be studying for, writing about how amazing and lucky I am to have her as the loving, caring, kind, giving, respectful, admirable, faithful, strong, down right incredible woman that she is felt way more important.

So there Psychology exam. Psychonalyze that.

what, what, what, what..

Warning: this is the non-edited version. 

They really could lose the swearing and it'd improve the song. If it wasn't for the greatness of the video I'd have posted the clean version, so sorry about that. 

This song just makes me happy. I think there are so many people out there who are way too concerned with what brand they're wearing. They forget the whole purpose of clothing in the first place. To cover your body (and sure look cute while your doing it.) But any brand, as long as it fulfills it's purpose, should be the same as any other. I could go on and on about consumerism but I'll save it for my Contemporary Social Problems class.

on the fritz

I'm writing this from my couch on the ipad because we played hookie today on account of us not feeling too good. My heart is on the fritz and last night was the worst it's been in years. I called the doctor and left a message for him, not wanting to bother him on a Sunday, and he'll call tomorrow so we can get to the bottom of it. I have a feeling this is just a part of the game, though. Until they find a cure, dealing with symptoms of HCM is as good as it will get. Yay! 

At times like this I find myself having to find creative ways to describe my symptoms to not just Husband, but doctors too. I feel as time goes on and I've become more fluent in the world of tests, doctors appointments, etc the more creative my metaphors and descriptions become. It's probably due to the fact that for years doctors tried to tell me my symptoms were heart burn, the muscles in my chest wall, or something else entirely. Like, that my heart is on the wrong side of my chest entirely. I've literally heard it all. 

See if you say, "my heart hurts," that can mean 100 different things, especially to doctors. It's open to interpretations. But if you say, "it feels like my heart is a nerf ball that's being squeezed to the size of a pea," or "it feels like the top half of my heart is doing the Macarena while the bottom half is doing the 6th grade sway-slow dance." Well, if you say that, they've never heard that before so they have to think twice as hard. Sometimes it's fun to try to confuse them. 

I've wondered what kind of reaction I'd get if I said something like, "it feels like the creepy guy from Indiana Jones and the temple of doom is ripping my heart out and then putting it in a garlic press." Something so completely unrelatable. I'm sure for someone who's heart doesn't have a mind if its own  any metaphor would be confusing. Like explaining to a blind person what purple looks like. Or to a dog why he can't eat chocolate.

 It can be frustrating. But at least I can have some fun with it. 

Ps. I'm watching twilight right now and... is anyone else made extremely uncomfortable by all of Edward and Bella's loud breathing?? Seriously. It's gross. 

pictures of us

I have a question for the universe. How many pictures are too many pictures to hang of you and your significant other? Obviously, this would be in my own home. I can't help but feel you can definitely have too many. And I don't want to be tacky. But then how do I decide which ones to hang? There is a part of me that never ever wants to switch out our engagement/wedding pictures, but those are coming up on 3 years old. So when do I give in and only have 1 or 2 pictures from our engagements and the rest of more recent years? 

Universe, do you hear me?! Can you please answer this for me?  I need a designer. Husband and I went to Pottery Barn today and I'm not sure if the lady was just humoring us or what, but she seriously asked if we wanted her to get The Designer. THE Designer. Yeah, as if we could afford a designer, let alone THE designer. Haha.

Anyway, this whole problem of mine occurred because my gorgeous sister in law was kind enough to take some pictures of us for a Christmas card this year. We chose clothes that are nonseasonal so if we choose to print them, they wouldn't have any specific time frame. And I just love them all! It was the shortest photo shoot ever, like 30 minutes tops, but she managed to crunch so many gems in there. And because this is my blog, I'm going to post some of them. 

a.) Squinting helps so you can't see our double chins. The view of the palm trees and sunset, gorgeous.

b.) Sawyer only lasted for the 1st half. He has this thing with seagulls where he tries to chase them every chance he gets, which makes for a difficult time considering we were on a beach with hundred of them. I don't think he's gotten as far as if he actually caught one, because he's the most 

scardy-cat dog I know. He'd probably be more terrified than the seagull if he found himself nose to beak with one.

c.) Sawyers expression is priceless. 

d.) When referring to my toes I manage to always say tootsies (farts), at which point, husband cracks up laughing and corrects me, "You mean tutsies?" Every. Single. Time.

e.) "aaawe."

f.) "so cute" Hahaha.

g.) Christmas Card winner.

h.) More ooing...

i.) and aweing.

classes, book club & decorating, oh my!

Classes start on Monday and I am through the moon excited! Strange, especially considering how little I like SBCC, but I'm so excited to be busy again. And isn't it the best getting ready for a new semester? Notebooks, pencils, finding your classrooms, text books. It's poetic. I can't wait!

Also, I was just invited to an online book club!!!!! And yes. I realize being excited about that makes me about 90 years old. I've read blogs that call other blogs their online friends and never really understood. Maybe because making friends in person is hard, I can only imagine making online friends would be that much harder. But this group of girls are legit cool. Like, the world is small, but I wish it was that much smaller so I could actually meet these girls and be their real life bff. Haha. And I have to laugh at myself for saying that because it's so lame beans, but whatev. 

Our first book is:

I know they always say don't judge a book by it's cover, but how can you not?! It's going to be awesome. I know it.

Also, Husband and I are redecorating! Like, our entire house. We're redoing it all. I guess since we haven't figured out where we want to move yet, redecorating is the next best thing. Soooo whippeee!! Here's to pretty things that I have been drooling over for the past year: