christmas time

I was just looking through our photos from December and pathetically I already miss Christmas. I never did a decent Christmas post, so let me dump some of my favorite photos now.

^ My 25th Birthday. We got our Christmas tree.

^ Santa Barbara Christmas Parade

^ Christmas Trolley parade of lights. Seriously. Jaw dropping. Some of these houses were INSANE.

^His absolute favorite. This flash light still goes everywhere with him. He thinks he's the shiz whenever he gets to whip it out like a boss. 

^My gorgeous Michael Kors boyfriend watch. Seriously?! Husband did gooooood!

^ Matt and I's early Christmas together in Santa Barbara.

Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures of Christmas at my parents. Mostly because I spent it deathly sick. No just teasing. Not deathly, just very sick. What's Christmas without a visit to the ER? At one point, between dry heaving and throwing up stomach bile, Matt picked me up and said, "I'm taking you to the hospital!" Even though I was crying, "Nooooo."...Husband definitely knew best. Drugs are the answer and only answer when you have the zombie barf. That man. Sure is a smarty. And does a mighty fine job taking care of me... I think he might just love me.

seeing the things that matter most

For the last few months I have found myself in a constant debate, with myself.

For some reason I feel like I should be doing more. If I don't have every second of my day planned, I feel worthless. I wake up thinking, "What are you doing with your life!? You should be in school learning and working towards something! Or be doing something with your life! You're wasting it!" {Yeah! Rude right?} And then the other half of me says, "Um, Glenna. Maybe you should look at the calendar and then take a chill pill, because you are in school. It just happens to be Christmas vacation." And then I calm down for 30 seconds until starts all over.

Because of this I'm constantly trying to cram as much into my day as possible. I'll exercise, then eat, then read, then do some crafts, then run some errands, then maybe eat again, work on my church callings, do some laundry and cleaning, some reorganizing, some window shopping, the list is endless. After all of that, I look at the clock, it's only 3:00pm and I've run out of things to do. At which point that part of my brain chimes in again, "Glenna, you lazy bum! Other people have 2 jobs, children, friends and church callings. They're so busy being productive and you don't have anything to do!" And I feel guilty. The truth is, I am very busy and do have a lot on my plate, and as much as my body is screaming for a break, my head is telling me I need to be busier.

It wasn't until the other day I realized what I was doing, and how unhealthy it was.

If I'm honest with myself, this constant need to be busy and doing something is a way for me to escape. The busier I am, the more distracted I am. I'm not left alone with my thoughts and I don't have to deal with some hard things that are going on in my life.

I remembered a quote by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, the 2nd Counselor in the presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He said, "My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, life up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter the most." {You can find the rest of his talk here. I highly recommend reading it!}

I don't want to be so busy that I can't lift my eyes and appreciate all the good things that are going on. The things that matter most. I want to be able to enjoy the simple and slow times and not feel the need to fill my day up with things that really aren't that important. I want to be able to feel peace with myself again. 

And that's what I'll be working on filling my day up with from now on.

breathing under water

I've been on the hunt to find my music. 

By my music I mean the kind of music that I like. Not the kind that my friends like and have discovered. Or the kind my family likes and listens to and therefore I have to like it or go crazy. Or even the kind Husband loves and listens to, no matter how in sync our music taste is. I mean the kind of music that I find on my own, that the lyrics grab me, that the bass moves me, that makes me want to jump in my car and go for a drive. Or jump out of my car and start dancing in the street.

I have several songs that are my songs. I can put them on repeat and just jam out. But I still have yet to discover a band that I love all their music. I don't have any bands. Just songs. So until then, I'll just keep finding those few gem songs that are really mine. This, obviously, is one of them. So just enjoy. Or not. Doesn't matter. 

Because it's mine :)

Unworthy

I'm baaaack! And here to report on how the new year is going. I honestly can't say it's going amazingly well because its currently 12:53AM and I'm wide awake surrounded by a soundly snoozing Husband and puppy. At least they're well :)
Maybe I'm a creeper but there is something charming about laying next to your spouse when they're sleeping. I find myself looking at Matt like it's the first time I've ever seen him. I get to really notice all those small things that really took my breath away the first night I met him.
It's crazy but I remember having a sleepover with my girlfriend, I'd only known Matt for almost 2 weeks, and I said to her, "What if I marry, Matt?!" It was almost like I was asking what would happen. Like I knew then I was going to marry him, I just didn't know I knew, or what life would entail.
And if you think I'm one of those girls that thought that about every guy she dated, think again! I was always skeptical going into a relationship. Always thinking, "I wonder how we'll break up." ...Haha :) That makes me sound just wonderful doesn't it? Oh well. All my exes were troopers for putting up with me, but none compared to Matt.
In the past I always admired guys that let me walk away. I thought they were strong. They handled rejection well and it eliminated any drama that breaking up with them may have caused. But not Matt. He was stubborn and he did not let his pride get in the way. Haha. I tried breaking up with him a few times but he never let me go. And not in a weird or bad kind of way. But the kind of way that let me know he really loved me, he would fight for me, and do whatever it took to prove he was worthy of me. I thought I knew what love was until I met Matt. He pushed me and I pushed him back. But that's what I needed. Someone that wouldn't let me walk all over them. Someone that loved me enough to not let me walk away. Someone that showed me how wonderful and deep a relationship can be if you don't run at any sign of hardship. Someone that a few bad days were worth all the good. Because how sad would it be, to be with someone who didn't fight for you during the bad times? During the hard and ugly times? Who just throws their hands in the air and says they're tired?
Matt has taught me so much! And even during those times when I'm so frustrated I could pinch him (and I have pinched him, we've had full on pinching wars! Haha) he says something that makes me realize he's still teaching me. Even when I'm sassy and a punk, he's teaching me how to be a better person. And it's so ironic because all that time, he'd been trying to prove himself to me, prove that he was worthy of me, and here I am... completely unworthy of him.

absolutely fantastic

Happy New Years! It's 2013 and everyone is making resolutions to be a better person and making positive changes in their life. 

It's weird, but I honestly can't remember a time that I actually made a resolution. I guess I just never agreed with the whole idea of it. Most of the time, I don't even realize I have a goal until I've accomplished it, or half way through the year I learn something and a new goal is created. So by the time January comes around, I'm already awesome. 

But I did make a goal about a week ago. I decided I'm completely going off of all carbonated drinks. I really want to be healthier. Focus on the inside. Not skinnier, not more toned. Just all around healthier. And so far it's been going pretty great! I don't even crave the delicious burn that bubbly drinks use to quench.

Other than that, nothing really new going on here. Husband and I got back from spending Christmas with the family. It wasn't really that great. Not because I don't adore my family and it wasn't wonderful to see them. But because I was ill the entire time we were there and spent most of the time laying in the hotel bed, and 1 day in the hospital. By the time we were driving back to sunny California, I missed my family more than before we got there! So not fair. I think it should be illegal to be sick around the holidays.

Also, I'm getting super excited to celebrate Valentines Day. (Yes, I know it's only January.) I never thought I'd be one to be excited about this holiday. To be honest, growing up all my friends hated Valentines day and would call it something clever and witty like Singles Awareness Day. But I never cared one way or the other. Sure I always hoped to get a sucker in the 7th grade from a "valentine." Mostly that was because who didn't want a free sucker in the 7th grade? Now that I'm all grown up and an adult (I can call myself an adult) I find myself completely in love with this holiday. Matt always does something charming and nerdy. Like a couple years ago he had this video made. Not to mention February is the month Matt proposed! 

So basically, what I'm saying is that I'm kind of glad to see 2012 gone and I'm welcoming 2013 with open arms! I have a feeling, it's going to be an amazing year.